2008 - Costa Rica

For more photos from Costa Rica and other mission trips, visit the Photo Gallery

I didn't know what to do with myself and then I saw this little boy. He wasn't wearing a shirt, shoes, or socks. He was playing in the road. The road, filled with trash, shards of glass and sharp rocks and stones was not the safest place for him to play. I wanted to grab him and tell him that he could hurt himself, but he was so content. Forget about the fact that he's poor. Forget that my low middle class status would be riches to him. He had so much joy. Immediately I was jealous. I wanted what he had so badly. I wanted joy that could pierce through suffering and insecurities and tear its way into the hearts of others. I think that kid had that and I couldn't figure out how he got it.

This was going to be a summary of everything our group did in Costa Rica, but I changed my mind. While I was there learning a new way of life and befriending those who had been living it, I felt at ease. I assumed I felt this way because I didn’t have school, tests, or annoying people to worry about. I’m pretty sure that that was a wrong assumption.

Life didn’t appear simple there because of what I wasn’t thinking about, but it appeared that way because of the fresh thoughts. The meditations of my heart were of Jesus Christ and His people. That’s it. Since I’ve been back from the trip, all of the junk that I hate fretting about has returned and I want desperately to relapse into Tico (Costa Rican) time.

Anyways, I looked in plenty of places. Even some places I probably shouldn’t have looked. I came up with nothing. A recent event sent me to a new, uncharted position. The situation is actually pretty silly in retrospect, but for security’s sake I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say that my misery hated solitaire.

In Costa Rica we did these affirmation things. We would pick out a name from our team and watch that person throughout the day. That night at group time we would then “affirm” something about that person. It was nice to have people saying good things about me. It was nice to say good things about other people too. I think it’s okay to like compliments, but it’s when you need them that the problem arises. I needed them. I needed assurance. I needed security. I still need those, but I’m not looking for them in holes in the ground anymore.

I just wanted to share. God is more relevant to me than ever before now. So I’ll continue to reach out to reach His heart. If you’re not a Christian and you read this, cool. If you've got questions you can ask me. I don’t mind and I won’t be offended. If anyone is inspired you should give this “outward” thing a shot. I bet if you focused on loving selflessly, after a while you’d feel more secure than ever. That’s not a “build self-esteem” recipe. I hate ABC, 123 methods.  The security is in your connection to a God who IS love. In my opinion, that’s the truth. That’s life abundant.

            Grace and love,

            Stephanie